


played on repeat

by xinghunnie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, Luhan is Stupid, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, OR IS IT??, Slow Burn, This Is STUPID, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 20:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20318851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xinghunnie/pseuds/xinghunnie
Summary: “Tell me about baby Minseok!” he yells, making both Minseok and Luhan grimace. Baekhyun has too much energy for his own good. “I bet he was the cutest thing ever!” he gushes, turning soft eyes to Minseok.“Oh, come on…” Minseok sighs, failing spectacularly to hide his reddening face. Luhan can’t look away.“He was,” he confirms, still staring. “Cute, and chubby, and small. He was very smart, and very kind. For someone so shy, he was very popular. Had us all wrapped around his finger.” It brings a chuckle out of both of them, nostalgic and far away from where they are now, back in those warm, sepia toned memories Luhan holds dearly. Hopes Minseok holds them dearly too, if that’s all they have left.





	played on repeat

**Author's Note:**

> xiuhan... clenches fists.
> 
> go figure, my longest work is xiuhan. shame...

Some things are meant to be, but Luhan and Minseok aren’t one of those things.

He sees minseok again for the first time after all those years in his new job, of all places. Luhan walks in with a coffee in his jittery hands, bag strapped across his shoulders, excitement coursing through his veins. 

Only to stop in his tracks when he sees the one face he never managed to shake off, no matter how long it’s been, how hard he tries. 

Kim Minseok has always been handsome, but the years have treated him with love and care, Luhan thinks. His hair is a honey blond, parted and combed away from his face to show off his sharp features, prominent cheekbones, the thick eyebrows, the delicate slope of his nose. His eyes are as enticing as always, Luhan notes, straight eyelashes and almond shaped. 

He should move, his brain belatedly reminds him. He’s standing in the middle of the busy office staring at Kim Minseok as he talks with someone, papers being passed from one to the other, eyebrows coming together in a frown.  _ He still pouts when he’s confused.  _ He should stop staring and move, ask someone to guide him to his new cubicle and start his very first day of work, but. But, he can’t, because his body has stopped shaking and all he can think of are all those years full of his best memories. Laying on their backyards, secrets spilling into the air, shushed giggles as they teased each other. Minseok always looked his best when his gummy smile stretched across his face,  _ you’re my best friend, Lu  _ said with that honesty that comes only with youth. 

“Excuse me?” Luhan almost drops his coffee from the shock. The other person, a tall man with a smile so wide Luhan feared might hurt, looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you there!” Luhan nods robotically, eyes dancing between Minseok and the man. 

“I’m Chanyeol! It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he bows, hair flopping everywhere. Luhan bows too, mind still frazzled. 

“I’m Luhan.” he hears himself say. His voice sounds choked, small, stuck somewhere in his chest. If Chanyeol notices this, his 36-teethed smile doesn’t let it show. 

“I’m here to show you around the office, introduce you to people, all those things. Our supervisor will tell you what you have to do, later, after I help you settle in.”

Luhan nods, not finding it in himself to open his mouth again. He smiles, or at least tries to, and Chanyeol takes it as a sign to go on. He spares one last glance at Minseok, still frowning at papers, still beautiful, still here in Luhan’s new job after 7 years of not seeing or talking to each other. 

The office is much like any other, Luhan thinks, but smiles politely the whole way anyway. There’s the coffee break room, the printer and fax, the other cubicles with overworked people. The view is nice, perfect for Luhan to stare off into when he gets bored and his brain refuses to function. That happens a lot. 

He knows where Kim Junmyeon’s office is, down the hall from where they work, but Chanyeol reminds him anyway. There’s Kim Junmyeon’s assistant, too, tall and with a stoic face. He decides to ignore Chanyeol’s blush when he points him out. 

As he’s being introduced to all his new coworkers, his hands start sweating again. He meets Jongdae, and Jongin, and Kyungsoo, and other names he can’t really remember right now when the last spot is Minseok’s desk. 

“And here’s Minseok, our supervisor!” Chanyeol announces, stepping into Minseok’s cubicle. 

He doesn’t look up immediately, but the man sitting on his desk does. “And Baekhyun, who’s too busy flirting with Minseok to actually work.” Chanyeol teases. Baekhyun, who  _ flirts with Minseok on the job,  _ turns to look at Luhan with an unbothered smile. 

“I am working,” he assures, bowing to Luhan, lifting up with the same annoying smile. Luhan doesn’t like him already. “My job is being the best boyfriend in the world.” 

Boyfriend. 

Minseok finally lifts up his head from the organized mess on his desk, eyes wide open. “Baekhyun, behave, we’re professionals and-.” 

He doesn’t finish his sentence, eyes fixated on Luhan. Despite being an adult now, he can still see teenage Minseok, with the chubby cheeks and wide eyes because anything had the potential to be amazing to him. Luhan isn’t quite sure he’s even breathing, staring back with just as much intensity. 

“Luhan…” Minseok finally says, standing up from his chair. And it’s like that magnetism back then that pulled his feet, two, three steps until he was in Minseok’s arms that pulls him again. He stumbles slightly, arms hanging stupidly by his side, until he’s close enough to see that Minseok’s roots are starting to show and that his lashes throw off long shadows against his cheekbones, that he still has that cute, tiny mole on his upper lip. 

Despite the years, and the distance, and the radio silence from both parts, when arms come around his waist, it feels just as easy as breathing to hold Minseok tightly, too, to bury his face in his hair and wrap his arms around his shoulder. 

Just as soon as it began, it ends when someone clears their throat. “I take it you two know each other?”

It’s Baekhyun, smile less unbothered than before.  _ Serves him right. _

Minseok pulls away, suddenly embarrassed, but he’s smiling, that same boyish smile that Luhan’s mind always conjured when it was dark in his room and he was alone. The beautiful one that Luhan loved as a teenager. Still does. 

“Yeah,” Minseok answers, looking up at him with something he doesn’t understand in his eyes. “Lu and I go way back.” 

Finally, Luhan feels himself smile. Muscles still tense, heart still caught in his throat, he nudges Minseok with his shoulder, the gesture all too familiar. “Can’t believe you’re my supervisor now,” he hears himself say, voice  _ just a tad _ breathless. “My Baozi, all grown up.” he sighs, and it’s meant to sound as a joke, but it kind of doesn’t. 

Minseok grimaces, pushing Luhan away. “I’m 26 now, I can’t believe you’re still calling me that.” Minseok chuckles, shaking his head. He tries to control it, but Luhan can’t stop smiling, feels like a weirdo while just staring at him, drinking in everything that he had missed so much during all those years. 

“Right,” Chanyeol says, clapping his hands loudly. He looks even more awkward than Luhan, God bless him. “I have to go back to work, but it was nice meeting you! C’mon on, Baek,” he gestures to Baekhyun, who is still looking between Minseok and him.  _ Boyfriend. _

“I’ll see you later,” he finally nods, hopping off the desk. He kisses Minseok’s cheek, naturally, as if he’d done it a hundred times before, smiles at Minseok with something akin to adoration. And Minseok blushes, smiles back fondly, nods in agreement. He nods to Luhan, but the smile on his face doesn’t quite reach his droopy eyes. 

Left alone, they lapse into an awkward silence. Luhan can’t look away, and Minseok can’t seem to be able to look at him at all. He doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. Talking about his job tasks is on the back of his mind, but what else can they do? Talk about the distance between them, the rift that only time and silence can form? 

“I didn’t know you moved back.” Minseok mutters, finally, voice carefully made to sound polite. Luhan nods, eyes stuck on all the nervous ticks that have always given Minseok away. The rapid blinking, the nervous bite of his teeth on his lower lip, the way his fingers twitch were they lay limply by his sides. So many years have passed, but Minseok remains the same. 

“Just a month ago,” Luhan says.  _ If it had been back then, I would have looked for you,  _ he means to say. Minseok nods, the silence is getting to be too much, but he remains rooted on the spot. He doesn’t want to leave, is the thing. Has missed Minseok so much it  _ ached, _ missed the one person Luhan’s teenage mind bad been convinced was his soulmate. Minseok was many things, many firsts to Luhan, and still, not enough. Not fully. 

Especially not anymore, with a handsome boyfriend that sits on his desk and kisses him on the cheek. 

“Well, let’s get you started then!” He says, putting a wide smile on his face. It’s not fake, but also doesn’t reach his eyes. It makes the breath on Luhan’s chest stutter. Before, a smile like that would never be directed at Luhan. He never thought he would be on the receiving end of it. 

Minseok’s instructions only half register in his brain, simple tasks for his first day in the office, nothing that Luhan could royally fuck up in his distracted state of mind. When Minseok is done, he sits back on his desk and smiles politely. “If you need any help, or have any questions, I’m here _ .”  _ he says, but Luhan hears what he really means.  _ Time for you to leave.  _ And Luhan, with so many things to say but no courage to actually say anything at all, just smiles, bows politely. He has turned on his heels and is about to leave when Minseok calls his name, rushed and nervous. “Let’s have lunch together later, to catch up, okay?” 

And it’s not much. It’s not the reunion Luhan had always thought about, but it still makes something warm simmer in his stomach. Agreeing with a wide smile, Luhan makes his way to his cubicle and sits down heavily, letting out a breath he had been holding since he first saw Minseok. He gives himself a few minutes to get his shit together, dazed as he is, pats himself on the shoulder because it  _ was _ embarrassing, but it could’ve been way worse, and he deserves the cheering up. 

He works diligently, half of his mind in a stupor. But he’s an adult now, with a job and responsibilities, and mostly, he doesn’t want Minseok to think he’s lousy at what he does. So on he goes, skimming through building designs and structures and numbers, pausing only to get a coffee to calm his jittery hands. 

He isn’t even aware it’s lunch time until someone knocks on his desk, startling him so bad he jumps in his seat. Minseok hides his giggles, but the amused smile is impossible to contain. 

“Ready?” he asks Luhan, pointing at the door. Truth is, Luhan isn’t ready. If anything, his hands start shaking once again. Time hasn’t prepared Luhan for this; he hadn’t returned for South Korea in the hopes of finding Minseok again. 

But time has made Luhan braver, and stronger, so he squares his shoulders and stands up. “Lead the way.” he tells him, and the smile Minseok gives him is the best yet. 

Minseok takes him to a nearby café, where they get sandwiches and lemonade and sit in silence for long, uncomfortable minutes, munching on their food and doing anything to avoid each other’s eyes. Things had never been awkward with them, and the unfamiliarity of it sends Luhan into more nervous thoughts. 

“So,” Minseok begins after a long gulp of lemonade. Unbidden, Luhan stares at the column of his neck, eyes glued to the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallows. He tears his eyes away, forces himself to look at him in the eyes. “You’re back.”

Luhan nods again, hands on his lap ripping an innocent tissue apart. “Yeah, I was transferred from the branch in Beijing.” The move wasn’t intentional. If anything, he agreed on an impulse, and begged all that is good and holy that he made the correct choice. 

He doesn’t know how to follow up the question, so he does what he always did best. Compliment Minseok. 

“Big shot architect Kim Minseok,” Luhan smiles at him, gleefully notes the way Minseok’s eyes wrinkle with amusement. “I always thought you’d be a teacher…” he adds, tone turning nostalgic. 

That’s what Minseok had said when Junior year ended, on the last summer they shared together before Luhan moved back to Beijing to lead a life away from their comfortable, happy corner apart from the rest of the world. Minseok smiles back, just as nostalgic. 

“Senior year changed me, I guess.” He smiles, but it’s small. Barely there. 

Luhan hums in understanding. After all, they hadn’t lost contact all at once. Halfway through their last school year, with all the stress and responsibilities and the many miles that separated them, weekly video calls stopped, the daily texting turned weekly, and the emptiness inside Luhan grew bigger. 

They’re adults now, he realizes. Many years have gone by for both of them to change, and it hurts, to realize this is not the same Minseok he knew. 

But when he looks up at Minseok, he’s met with a small smile, twinkling eyes, and yes. Many things aren’t the same anymore, but this, this fundamental part of Minseok is still just him. Just Minseok. 

“Baekhyun…” Luhan begins, stops. Realizes he doesn’t want to know, doesn’t need to. It won’t change how he feels, and it won’t change the reality of things. But Minseok smiles at the name, cheeks tinting the softest shade of pink. 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s pretty recent, but he’s good to me.” he hears Minseok say shyly. It wraps a vice around his heart, his lungs, tugs something painful. 

“I’m happy for you,” he hears himself say, and he is. Minseok is successful and happy and loved, a good boss and a good everything else, and it makes Luhan happy, even if it hurts. They continue their lunch, peppering small talk here and then. They soon realized that the type of conversation they needed to have was not one you did over your lunch break. Or sober, he thinks, but that might be just him. 

They walk back to their office, arms brushing occasionally. They both go their own way, and Luhan spends the rest of day in a trance, doing his best to not stare anymore. He ignores the giggles he hears coming from Minseok’s side, knows Baekhyun is there with him flirting and being in love together. 

He spends his coffee break with Chanyeol and a man called Jongdae, who Luhan vaguely remembers from his tour in the morning but he hadn’t remembered. Jongdae had smiled charmingly, assured him everything was okay with a cheeky wink. Chanyeol had whined,  _ no flirting!  _ and Luhan just blushed, pretended to play dumb. Jongdae was gorgeous, witty and funny and beautiful and many more things, Luhan is sure, but he can’t concentrate on anything other than the man a few meters away, laughing loudly, placing a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and smiling fondly, teasing, the same smile that made 17-year-old Luhan squirm in his spot. 

When he gets home, he lets himself be childish. Luhan dive face first onto his bed and kicks his feet, screaming into the covers of his bed and willing all his thoughts to perform a magic trick and disappear. When he ends his tantrum, his thoughts still flying around his head, and Zhu observing him from his perch on Luhan’s dresser, he feels embarrassed. With a heavy sigh, the fight leaves him, just like that. Many years have passed, but Minseok still leaves Luhan feeling like a fool. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Almost two weeks since his first day, five minutes into their lunch break, Baekhyun walks in his cubicle with an awkward  _ hey  _ and a just as awkward smile. Luhan looks at him expectantly, awkward smile of his own painfully on his face. 

“Wanna get lunch with Minseok and I?” 

The question stuns Luhan for a second. This whole time, Luhan and Minseok have decided to walk on eggshells around the other. Aside from polite conversations and professional issues, they have hardly talked. It set an itch under his skin, but if that’s what Minseok wanted, Luhan just let it be. He has talked to Baekhyun even less than he has Minseok, jealousy keeping him from it, but Baekhyun seemed to prefer it like that too. So, Luhan is understandably confused. 

He considers his options. 

On the one hand, he doesn’t want to be a third wheel, especially not a bitter and jealous one. On the other one, he has no real valid reason to say no, and if he does, he will look like an asshole. Sighing internally, he gathers his jacket and wallet, checks for his phone in his pocket. Baekhyun smiles wider, turns his heel and starts walking towards the door where Minseok is already waiting for them. 

Obviously, lunch is a fuck fest. Luhan expected nothing less, but he’s still berating himself for being such an idiot anyway. His noodles were starting to get cold from how much he just keeps pushing them around, and he has hardly said anything. 

Baekhyun isn’t an asshole. Not really. He’s social and nice, funny to the point where Luhan can’t help but laugh to his jokes. And he looks at Minseok with unrestrained love, like Minseok is the best thing in this corner noodle store in the middle of Seoul. (And Luhan has been there,  _ is there,  _ knows how it feels.) So he can’t dislike Baekhyun, not at all, but it doesn’t make it less difficult, doesn’t make Luhan feel better by thinking Minseok is with someone great and that Once Upon A Time, Luhan thought that could be him. 

After all, it doesn’t matter anymore. 

“Luhan,” Baekhyun begins, pretty smile and all. “Tell me more about you! Minseok hasn’t said much.” and he pouts, nudging Minseok playfully. 

Luhan shrugs, uncomfortable with their eyes on him now. He almost prefers it when they are wrapped in their own little bubble, ignoring him and stuffing their faces. “I was born in Beijing, moved to Minseok’s town when i was around… nine or ten.” he answers, not really sure what to say. Baekhyun’s eyes light up, leaning on the table. 

“Tell me about baby Minseok!” he yells, making both Minseok and Luhan grimace. Baekhyun has too much energy for his own good. “I bet he was the cutest thing ever!” he gushes, turning soft eyes to Minseok. 

“Oh, come on…” Minseok sighs, failing spectacularly to hide his reddening face. Luhan can’t look away. 

“He was,” he confirms, still staring. “Cute, and chubby, and small. He was very smart, and very kind. For someone so shy, he was very popular. Had us all wrapped around his finger.” It brings a chuckle out of both of them, nostalgic and far away from where they are now, back in those warm, sepia toned memories Luhan holds dearly. Hopes Minseok holds them dearly too, if that’s all they have left. 

“He was annoyingly good at everything. A nerdy jock, go figure,” Luhan adds. It’s meant to be a joke, but it comes out fondly. And Minseok’s eyes are so soft, looking at him like he hasn’t since they first saw each other again that morning. He wants to say more, dissipate the silence that has gathered around them. He can’t stand it, looking at each other with so many words unsaid, can’t breathe properly. 

“So basically you haven’t changed at all.” And just like that, Baekhyun’s voice breaks the trance that had clouded Luhan’s mind. Minseok just laughs, laughs the moment off like nothing happened. And how wrong Baekhyun is, he thinks. Can’t see the ways Minseok changed because he didn’t know him. Can’t see the way Minseok looks at Luhan isn’t the same anymore, and how everything is different now. 

Luhan doesn’t dislike Baekhyun. But it’s still difficult to see what Luhan lost, and will not get back. He stuffs his mouth with food then, rushing to end everything so he can leave as soon as possible with the excuse of having to finish something. The unsure look Minseok gives him when he leaves doesn’t leave him alone, not even when he buries himself into the growing pile of documents on his desk. 

Today in their coffee break, Minseok’s corner is quiet, and Baekhyun is being loud with Jongdae, holding Kyungsoo close and fluttering his eyelashes at the rather stoic man. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but Luhan sees more, sees the slight tremble of his fingers when he digs them into Baekhyun’s side to get away and the blush dusting his cheeks. Luhan smiles at Kyungsoo, because Baekhyun is just being funny, but Luhan understands. Somethings just aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want it. And Luhan  _ wants.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, Lu!” Minseok calls his name, almost too loud in the quiet corridor. It’s later than Luhan likes staying here, but tomorrow is Friday and Luhan wants to be done as soon as possible. Minseok shouldn’t be here either, but of course he is. Luhan turns to look at him, halfway to the elevator already, waits until Minseok catches up to him to continue walking. Minseok has his sleeves rolled, tie loose around his neck. He looks ruffled and tired and so stunning Luhan can’t look at him anymore. 

“The office is going out tomorrow, you should come.” Minseok murmurs. He’s looking at him, but Luhan keeps his eyes on the elevator doors. And he should probably decline, because him and Minseok and alcohol probably shouldn’t be getting all mixed up, but the rest of the guys will be there, and he wants to make friends instead of being a lonely cat guy. 

“Sure, I’ll go,” he replies, still looking straight ahead. Minseok hums back, still staring. The side of Luhan’s face burns with the intensity of it, almost like Minseok is daring him to stare back. 

“Hey, Lu—“ he begins, just when the elevator doors open and they can see the lobby. 

“See you tomorrow,” Luhan blurts, legs taking long strides to the door, wishing to be away as fast as his body lets him. If he had looked at Minseok, he would’ve seen the hurt expression, and he can’t handle that. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luhan knew in the back of his mind that getting drunk with Minseok in the vicinity was not his smartest idea. Two bottles of soju and many beers later, all huddled together in a round booth table in a bar, it had never been clearer. Luhan is sat in between Chanyeol and Jongdae, sitting across the happy couple. He’s glad that Kyungsoo is on the same boat as him, drinking to his heart’s content (or discontent, really) and looking anywhere but where Baekhyun keeps whispering the side of Minseok’s neck. Minseok doesn’t look drunk, but Luhan knows by the flushed skin and the slight glaze on his eyes that he was well on his way. 

They’re having a rowdy conversation and overall Luhan had been enjoying the night. His coworkers were loud and funny, if a little invasive with their questions about Luhan and why he’s in Korea again. But as the night grew in and he got more drunk, it got harder and harder to keep his eyes away from Minseok, the possessive arm Baekhyun has wrapped around his waist and how his lips brush against Minseok’s neck with intent. 

“Hey, I need some air.” he mumbles to Chanyeol, who somehow manages to move his gangly limbs to let Luhan out of the booth. He moved through the sweaty bodies, half stumbling half running to the door. The air is crisp on his overheated skin, the sky clear. Finally alone,  _ away,  _ he leans his body heavily on the wall of the bar and takes deep breaths. Luhan thinks about calling Yixing and rambling off, but that’s pathetic so he refrains from it. 

Had he loved Yixing the way he deserved, Luhan wouldn’t be alone and drunk on the empty street, thinking about cat eyes and lips on skin and  _ Minseok _ , again, as if all the other times weren’t enough. Squeezing his eyes shut, he lets his head fall back, thumping painfully on the wall. The past is the past, if only his brain understood. If only his heart could make peace with that. 

“Hey.” But Minseok, he never leaves Luhan alone it seems. Luhan doesn’t open his eyes, but he can feel Minseok next to him where their shoulders brush. Minseok is warm, and his body feels too tangible, too much. 

“You okay?” He asks when Luhan says nothing. He sounds worried, if a little inebriated. Luhan hums, letting his head loll to the side to look at him, look at him properly since the time they had lunch with Baekhyun. 

And as they seem to be doing a lot recently, they look at each other. Luhan is greedy, drinks in the way Minseok’s lashes fan prettily every time he blinks, how his hair falls softly on his forehead now that it’s unstyled and sweaty. Takes in the sharpness of Minseok’s cheekbones, the soft cheeks he had once pinched and caressed with his heart beating out of his chest. The lips he always imagined would be soft and taste like nothing, like Minseok, like coffee and sugar and him. Minseok stares back, looking more sober than he had the whole night, eyes warm and seeking. 

“Can we stop?” Minseok says, voice barely above a whisper. “Can we stop being weird? It’s no one’s fault that we stopped talking, shit happens, and I’ve missed you for so long I can’t stand the idea of having you here and not being my friend Luhan.”

Luhan wants to agree, to run into Minseok’s arms and be the bestest of friends once again, to have at least a small place in Minseok’s heart to belong in. But he can’t find the words to say it, the  _ I love you _ threatening to spill, the  _ I can’t be your friend because I want to be so much more _ . Luhan can’t do it twice, not again. 

“Lu, look at me.” But he sounds so small. So like the Minseok back then, the one who held him close the day before Luhan flew back to Beijing and told him to not forget about him. (And he didn’t, no matter what actually happened, he never did.) Against his better judgement, against what he really wants, he turns to look at Minseok. 

“Of course,” he hears himself saying, but it comes out too soft, Minseok has to lean in to hear better. Their faces are so close he can smell Minseok’s shampoo, the liquor on his breath, see the mole on his lip perfectly clear. “We can just pick up where we left off, Minseokie.”

The smile feels forced, awkward and painful, but Minseok smiles back, so small and delicate and genuine it takes everything in Luhan to not kiss him. Minseok lowers his head, goes down far enough to rest his forehead on Luhan’s shoulder. It feels like he’s trapped in his past, back then when he had so many things to say to Minseok and yet, he always kept them on the very tip of his tongue but never past his lips. Feels just like a teenager when he rests his own forehead on the top of Minseok’s head and stays there, heart beating fast, hands trembling at his sides. And when he pulls away, away from Minseok and the wall and his rational thoughts, it hurt too, like when he had to say goodbye but left a part of him in Minseok’s hands. 

Maybe some things never do change. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You should tell him the truth,” Yixing says, the noises of Beijing going off in the background. Luhan pulls the phone away from his ear and stares, like, what the hell. If it were that easy, Luhan would’ve done it years ago. 

“Yeah, well, that isn’t gonna work out.” He answers, pulling off halfway to make kissy noises at Zhu so the cat can come  _ cuddle, dammit! _ Not even Zhu has spare love for Luhan. 

“Sure, he has a boyfriend, but wouldn’t his rejection give you the chance of closure?” Yixing answers easily. 

“Wow, Xing, if I didn’t know any better I would think you’re trying to break my heart!” The other man on the line just makes a noncommittal hum.

“Listen Lu, I love you, but you’ve been hung up on this Minseok for years now. You can’t move on until you come clean, and this is your chance.” 

Luhan grumbles into the phone, pretty sure that Yixing is ignoring him when he hears the sounds of jingling keys and unlocking of a door. 

“You say it as if it’s the easiest thing to do,” he mutters. 

“It’s not,” the other agrees. “But being a grown up who is responsible for his feelings isn’t easy anyway.”

“I’m going out! I can’t hear you! Also you suck I hope your guitar strings break!” Luhan answers, grabbing his keys and wallet. He gives one last withering look at his cat, who is grooming itself and ignoring Luhan before opening the door and leaving his apartment complex. Yixing laughs, telling Luhan he loves him too and that he is always just one phone call away if Luhan needs him. As Luhan makes his way to the metro station, checking his phone to make sure he has the address correct, he starts thinking again. 

Yixing is right. Of course he is. 

Saturday afternoon finds him sitting in a café waiting for Minseok. Drunkenly, Luhan had agreed to see each other after the bar fiasco, and Minseok had suggested coffee to cure the hangover they would have for sure. He couldn’t say no when Minseok had looked at him so cutely, so now he’s here, knee jumping beneath the table and fingers nervously ripping a napkin to tiny, uneven pieces. 

He’s not sure of how this will go. Maybe, now that they have kind of cleared the air between them, maybe they will carry a conversation that doesn’t burn his skin with how awkward it feels. Maybe Luhan should stop overthinking everything and just let it be, see where it goes, and if things fail… then so be it. 

Luhan sees Minseok as soon as the other comes in, no hard feat considering his eyes had been glued to the entrance. He’s seating near the back, next to window and behind some greenery that hides him, just in case Luhan wanted to make a run for it. (Or for privacy, since Minseok had always liked his silence and space. Whichever worked.) 

He can’t help the smile that settles on his face without his permission when he sees Minseok pout in confusion, wide, searching eyes fleeting around the room. He’s even on his tiptoes, and with his hair down and the big sweater he’s practically drowning in, he looks young, no different than the college students scattered around working like busy bees on their laptops. 

Finally, thinking he has observed creepily enough already, he stands, waving his arm around and calling a soft  _ hey, Minseok!  _ The other man’s head turns, eyes wide. He’s so cute, Luhan can’t stand it, his fingers twitch from the need to pinch his cheeks. Once they make eye contact, a beautiful smile spreads across Minseok’s face. Luhan internally sighs; today is going to be a long day for him and his poor heart. 

“I’ll go order for us,” Minseok says when he approaches the table, setting his coat on the chair across from him. Luhan barely gets to say his order before Minseok slinks off again to the counter. He takes the few minutes it takes Minseok to come back to calm his beating heart, and that little flame inside of him that should have died years ago. No matter what it looked like, what it felt like, this was  _ not  _ a coffee date. This was just a  _ casual, _ extremely friendly and normal hangout between two kind-of-but-not-really pair of friends. 

“Here we go,” a tray is set in front of his eyes where he had been intensely staring to clear his mind. He thanks him, half-startled and still full of nervous energy. He takes a sip of his coffee, warm and rich and just the right amount of sweet, and sighs happily. 

“You still take your coffee the same way,” Minseok comments, taking a sip of his own coffee, glittery eyes looking at him with mirth. Luhan finds himself smiling back, falling easily into that old routine of theirs. “Not even the years took that sweet tooth of yours away.”

“As if you’re one to talk.” He scoffs, eyeing the plate with a cheesecake resting innocently before them. The other man laughs, shaking his head. 

“Fine,” he concedes, shrugging. “And for your information, the cake’s not just for me. It’s to share!” Once again, he can’t help but notice how boyish Minseok looks. Not physically, though he definitely looks younger than his years, but it’s more than that. His essence, his energy, it’s youthful and sweet and so trusting. Without even meaning to, his muscles relax, his smile turning less forced and more comfortable. 

And just like that, as easily as things with Minseok always seemed to be since the day Luhan met him, they delve into a long conversation in between bites of the sweet treat and warm coffee. Minseok laughs rowdy, with his whole heart; not the guarded chuckles they had been sharing but the loud yelps that make him look around in embarrassment to see if anyone was disturbed by the noise. In the streaming, dying sunlight, Minseok looks his prettiest. Luhan can see the creases by his eyes every time he smiles wide, the tremble of his lashes when his hair gets in his eyes, the way his skin shines. Luhan doesn’t dare to think about it too long, but he bets the skin is soft and warm. (That’s how he remembers it.)

It’s dark outside by the time Minseok has to leave. A quick phone call leaves him wincing, telling him he lost track of time and is going to be late for dinner. Luhan really wishes he didn’t have to go. He had missed his best friend so much, having this small taste of what it used to be left him starved. 

But they bid their goodbyes nonetheless, smiles soft and hesitant like neither were sure were they were really standing. Luhan decided to throw something out there, smiling at Minseok softly. “See you on Monday.” And Minseok hummed his affirmation, waving a small hand around. Luhan watched him leave, eyes trained on the retreating back, until he lost track of the blond hair and wide back. 

Walking home, he kept replaying the afternoon in his mind. They talked for so long, catching each other up and telling funny stories, sad stories, important stories. Minseok made many friends in university, not that it shocked Luhan. The only one who didn’t seem to understand how lovable Minseok is was Minseok himself. They missed so many important moments from each other’s lives, grew out of the images they had of each other in the back of their minds, but sitting in the secluded corner, spilling stories as if they had been just yesterday, Luhan felt hopeful. If he wasn’t getting over Minseok, at least he still had him in his life, and for now, that was all he needed. 

  
  
  


As the seasons grew and changed, so did their friendship. Lunches together, sometimes with Baekhyun but most times alone, coffee outings, impromptu 1-to-1 football games in a park near their office building.  _ This, Luhan had missed this.  _ The familiarity, the routine, how  _ easy _ it was to wrap and arm around Minseok’s shoulder knowing Minseok would do the same around his waist, like it fit perfectly, like it was meant. His heart still beats out of his chest, his voice still escaped him and his breath still got stuck in his chest, but it was okay. Luhan could deal with the vice around his chest every time Minseok left early because he had a date with Baekhyun, every time he wanted to kiss him and knew that he couldn’t. Things were not exactly the same, but they were good. They were Luhan and Minseok again, confusing feelings and life circumstances aside, they were still them. 

And Luhan knows Baekhyun is aware. Sees it in Baekhyun’s eyes when Minseok isn’t watching, but Luhan is. Sees it in the possessive arm around Minseok’s middle, the loud exterior to hide the louder insecurities. It makes Luhan feel guilty, to put Baekhyun in a situation were he feels like he is constantly competing for his boyfriend. It just can’t be helped; Luhan has loved Minseok for years, a decade and more of time enough to have his feelings wrapped around him like a warm blanket. He couldn’t hide it back then, and he definitely can’t hide it now. 

For his benefit, Minseok remains oblivious, to both Luhan’s and Baekhyun’s struggles. For someone so smart, he sure could be so inept sometimes. 

_Be careful, _Yixing tells him, voice small through his phone’s speaker. Luhan can be oblivious too. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He’s slumped in his chair and staring at the ceiling like his soul has just left his body. He sure feels dead tired, too lazy to get some coffee into his system but also too exhausted to keep working. He wonders if he can get away with just staying there, in his not-so-comfortable chair until it’s time clock out and go home to bully Zhu into cuddling him to sleep. Luhan is so gone out of his senses he thinks the voice calling his name is just a figment of his imagination. Honestly, leave it to his mind to imagine Minseok even if he is three seconds away from taking the biggest nap of his adult life. 

“Hey, Luhan, are you alive?” Languidly, he turns his head to the source of the melodious voice. Blinking rapidly, Luhan almost falls from his chair when he jumps to sit up. Tentative friends or not, Minseok is still his supervisor and even if it is his coffee break, he’s sure looking half dead is not good workplace etiquette. 

Minseok laughs at him, short and loud enough to wake him up even more. He also sets a steaming cup of coffee in front of Luhan’s computer, eyeing him. “Didn’t see you out there and I got a little worried.” he says as a greeting, shrugging. He sits himself against Luhan’s desk, crossing his long legs over the other and taking a long sip from his coffee. Luhan can’t be entirely sure he isn’t imagining things. 

Minseok sighs happily, holding the cup close to his chest and looking at Luhan expectantly. After a beat, he picks up the coffee and hesitantly brings it to his lips, pleased to see it’s just how he likes it, releasing a happy sigh of his own. He turns curious eyes to Minseok, who is just quietly drinking his cup and looking anywhere in Luhan’s small cubicle  _ except _ him. “You usually take your breaks in your cubicle.” He deadpans.  _ With Baekhyun,  _ he doesn’t add, but it goes unsaid. Minseok shrugs, still not looking at him. Minseok’s coffee must be extremely interesting right about now. 

“I came out to get some coffee and I didn’t see you. Thought you might be busy, but apparently you were just dying.” That startles a laugh out of Luhan, but it soon turns into a long whine. 

“I stayed up watching the Manchester United game…” he admits, which he knew he would regret, but said fuck it and did it anyway. “Man, I used to pull all-nighters in university. Maybe the old age is finally getting to me.” Minseok smiles at him, sweet and mocking all at the same time. Luhan hates how it brings butterflies to his tummy, how he wants to kiss the amusement away. 

“Tell me about it,” Minseok replies wistfully, looking up at the ceiling too. Luhan thinks it doesn’t matter how tired he might be, he still looks beautiful. 

He doesn’t mean to say that out loud. He hadn’t even realized he had until Minseok turned to him with wide eyes, teeth catching his plump bottom lip. Luhan laughs nervously, loud and obnoxious and entirely forced, but doesn’t take the words back. After all, his favorite past time had always been complimenting Minseok to see his small ears turn the slightest shade of pink, the blush spreading to the high cheekbones and down the pale cheeks. He doesn’t expect Minseok to blush and laugh, and is entirely too pleased when he sees the other man turn bashful eyes to the floor, the small smile he is trying his very best to hide and failing awfully. 

Luhan feels warmth spread from his chest, all the way to the tips of his fingers. They finish their coffee slowly, talking about nothing in particular, voices loud enough for just the two of them to hear. Their legs happen to brush against each other, enough times for Luhan to just leave it there, pressed up against Minseok’s warmth. Without meaning to or noticing, it is long since their break ended. Minseok takes both of their cups to wash them off, but not before rubbing a comforting palm on Luhan’s shoulder, squeezing just so and grinning, boyish and lopsided and entirely beautiful. He’s still tired, still sleepy and exhausted, but he’s warm from coffee and Minseok and cute smiles being hidden behind the rim of a sky blue coffee cup, and it’s as if nothing else mattered other than cat eyes and a warm leg pressed against his as the sun goes lower and lower. 

Neither of them notice the watchful eyes staring at them, calculating and knowing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once again, Luhan finds himself leaning against the wall of a bar, mind muddy from the alcohol. He had stayed away from the office’s drinking nights, seeing as he didn’t think he should be mixing alcohol with Minseok, but the other had insisted so much and Luhan, as always, is too weak to say no to the pretty eyes. 

But after the fifth shot, the second beer, the third time he spaces off staring at Minseok’s hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, he knows he needs air. If he were smarter, he would be on his way home already, but he’s too drunk and the night breeze feels soothing on his burning skin. 

Even when he hears the door open, he stays put, eyes closed and muscles tight. 

“You’re such a lightweight.” Minseok mumbles, sounding a little drunk himself. He might be, too, because he stops right next to Luhan, arms and legs aligning almost perfectly. Their skin is warm, burning, but neither moves away. Luhan hums, head nodding slowly. He doesn’t trust his mouth to stay quiet if he starts talking, so he keeps it shut. 

Minseok leans his head against Luhan’s shoulder. His hair is soft, and his warm breath fans out against the sensitive skin of Luhan’s neck. He can’t help the shiver that runs through his body, or the content sigh that escapes his lips. Minseok belongs right there, next to him. 

When Minseok starts humming, soft and sweet, it unravels something within him. He leans back, lets the sweet melody lull him, rests his own head on top of Minseok’s. He smells sweet and clean, even after the day’s sweat and and the night’s drinks. His chest feels constricted, but the rest of him is languid and soft and he wants is to scoop Minseok into his arms and sway to the rhythm of his voice. 

Their friendship had easily fallen once again into routine. Still, Luhan has been hesitant. He hadn’t let himself touch Minseok the way he had back then, the way he craved. He kept a safe distance, because that was back then and what they are now is present. They are still Luhan and Minseok, but things have changed and Luhan has made his peace with it. And yet, all of that puffs out of his brain into thin air as he gathers Minseok in his arms, rocking them together to whatever song he keeps humming. 

He hears Minseok stutter. Luhan realizes this is probably something he shouldn’t be doing, out of respect towards Baekhyun and consideration for their admittedly timid friendship. And Minseok is quiet now, stock still in his arms and Luhan is about to pull away, apologies and excuses on the tip of his tongue. But Minseok’s hands clutch him so tightly, pull them together until there isn’t any space between them. He’s still silent, but he’s hugging Luhan so strongly, like Luhan might disappear if he lets go. 

“Minseok…” his voice sounds hoarse. He’s also breathless from the somersaults his heart is performing inside his chest. 

“I’m so confused,” is what Minseok whispers back. He sounds so  _ small _ . So unlike the confident man Luhan is used to. Suddenly Luhan feels sober, clutches back at Minseok and hopes that even if his words are failing him, the warmth of his body says enough.  _ I love you. I’m here.  _ “I’m so confused but… just wait for me? Wait for me, please?”

And once again, Luhan can’t ever say no to Minseok. 

“Anything for you.” And he means it. He hopes Minseok understands, that whatever Minseok needs, Luhan is right there to give. Even if it hurts. Even if it breaks him. 

Minseok goes back to humming, a different song now, just as warm and soft and content as if nothing happened. Even with the new weight on his shoulders, Luhan sways them softly, let’s his arms remember how it feels to have Minseok right there, wrapped against his chest with his nose tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. 

That was back then, but the reality of now is not as scary anymore. 

They stay there for a little longer, burning skin against the other and clammy hands touching tentatively. It doesn’t have to hurt. It doesn’t. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


And then, their bubble pops and Luhan realizes that he is alone. Luhan walks in the following Monday morning, smiles brightly at Minseok just for it to drop as soon as Minseok avoids his eyes. 

It’s like they are back to those first few weeks of radio silence. Minseok doesn’t visit Luhan for their coffee breaks. In fact, he doesn’t even leave his cubicle. Luhan observes with a heavy heart how Baekhyun goes into his cubicle with two warm cups of coffee, and stays there. They don’t get lunch, or play football, or even talk. This is Luhan’s fault, obviously, because everything usually is. Him and his drunk ass should have stayed home because he  _ knew _ he shouldn’t have trusted himself around Minseok and the bottles of soju. Nothing good has ever come from Minseok and alcohol in Luhan’s life. 

_ “Come on Lu, otherwise who knows how long it will take until we get to be drunk together!” Minseok had whined, holding out the bottle of soju he had gotten from God knows where. “See, I’ll do it first.” _

_ Luhan watched transfixed as Minseok gulped down once, twice. His eyes followed the stray drop sliding from the pink lips, down to his chin and clinging to the sharp jawline. Minseok has been losing weight and working out lately. Luhan misses the chubby cheeks. The other’s face scrunched up, but giggled despite the bitter taste.  _

_ Luhan sighed. Their fingers brush against each other when Minseok passes him the bottle. It feels like a warning, but Luhan has never been that smart. Just like Minseok, he giggles after taking a gulp. It’s strong, but sweet, and it makes his mouth tingle. Once again, Minseok is part of one of Luhan’s firsts. He wonders sadly, in the very back of his mind, if this will be one of the last firsts.  _

_ Soon the bottle is empty, hanging limply from his hand. Their small town is quiet but here, in the small spot by the river aways from the main road, just the two of them, the summer air feels that much more quiet. They are both laughing at nothing particularly funny, skin alight from alcohol and the urgency of time. In two weeks Luhan would be on a plane back to China, leaving Minseok behind.  _

_ Suddenly he wasn’t laughing.  _

_ His best friend turned to look at him, laughter gone too. His eyes were soft and understanding. He didn’t need Luhan to say what he was feeling because he knew. He feels it too. Sadness. Luhan thinks, having his first heartbreak without Minseok even being aware hurts even more that it had any right too.  _

_ “You won’t forget me, right? So I won’t forget you, Luhan.” Minseok had sounded so sure. At that moment, Luhan had felt his heart stutter in his chest. Minseok meant safety and love and his  _ home,  _ his comfort. Unbidden, although not unwanted, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. He wasn’t thinking when he kissed Minseok’s cheek, breathed him in and pulled him closer, almost climbing onto his lap. And Minseok let him, welcomed him. Hugged him just as hard.  _

_ The words threatened to spill out of his lips.  _ I love you. I knew I loved you when we were thirteen and you were helping me with our Algebra homework and rubbed my forehead, told me not to think too hard or my brain would smoke.  _ He has to bite his tongue hard enough to hold the words back. And it hurts, it feels wrong and dishonest but he can’t let himself ruin his most important friendship. Hugging Minseok has to be enough, because this is all Luhan will allow himself.  _

_ “I love you.” he murmured. Minseok had said it back, and Luhan let his tears flow. Minseok didn’t know, didn’t understand. It was okay.  _

  
  


So, Luhan let’s it fester inside of him. Every night he goes home alone, feeling cold from more than just the bitter wind. He watches TV unseeingly, smiles and laughs with his coworkers with no real feeling. It shoudln’t affect him this much. He had known all along, that this would be the disasturous end. Yixing had told him. Hell,  _ Luhan  _ had told himself, that all this playing at friendship with Minseok would hurt him. But he had been happy, comfortable at Minseok’s side. So yeah, sue him if he can’t help the hurt in his eyes when Minseok catches his eyes. Luhan hurt himself in the process, but Minseok had lent a helping hand in this too. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A quiet knock against the weak wall of his cubicle pulls Luhan out of the working daze he was in. When he turns, he almost wishes he didn’t 

Almost. Minseok is still stunning, and he still wants him so bad. 

They stare at each other, both of them unwilling to break the silence that has fallen over them. Luhan’s voice has retreated somewhere back in his old apartment in China. Minseok, for his own part, doesn’t look any better. His small hands clench and unclench at the side of his thighs. 

“Is there something I can help you with?” Luhan mutters. Even he is shocked at how cold his voice sounds. Minseok flinches, little pudgy mouth turning into a wince. To be fair, Luhan did sound like he would rather scrape the dirt off his shoes with a toothpick than talk to Minseok. He wasn’t aware he was this hurt by Minseok giving him almost two full weeks of nothing but cold treatment. 

“I just, uh, I wanted to ask if you’re free? Later?” his voice is slightly shaky, but he holds Luhan’s gaze bravely. “I wanted to tell you something.” 

Something inside him desperately wants to say no. What if Minseok only wants to let him know officially that he would rather Luhan offed himself to Shanghai again? Or to tell him he thinks Luhan is a weirdo, and if he could please stop trying to befriend him?

“I’ll buy you food.” Minseok adds with an unsure smile tilting his mouth sideways. It’s then that Luhan realizes with a sinking heart he would willingly follow Minseok anywhere, even if it were for him to take all the money from his savings account. Which isn’t much, but still. 

He shrugs, turning back to his computer. He types away on his report, but his fingers are twitching so much he keeps making mistake after mistake. “Sure. It better be good if you’re paying.” Minseok huffed a breath as if shocked. Luhan stared at his reflection in the computer screen long after Minseok promised to come looking for him later that day.

Leaving the office next to Minseok was, if anything, even more awkward. Baekhyun and Jongdae stared at them as they maneuvered their way out of their office, shoulders brushing in the admittedly cramped space. Luhan can’t decide if they look judgemental or not, but he tries to hide his embarrassed face all the same. Suddenly he feels too hot. Being out of the office, alone, with Minseok, isn’t any better. He can’t look at Minseok, and the silence between them feels stifling. Luhan hopes the elevator breaks down. Then he thinks about being stuck with Minseok there and it makes him want to die, so maybe he just hopes he breaks his neck or something. A quick end, beautiful. 

They walk down the street, the silence weighing them down. It hadn’t been this awkward since that first day all those months ago, it’s making Luhan sweat in places he shouldn’t be. The restaurant they go to isn’t crowded, but Minseok leads him to a secluded corner all the same, which Luhan is thankful for. Rejection is best served in privacy, where people won’t see him crying. 

They order quickly, and as soon as they’re alone, Minseok’s mouth bursts open like a popped balloon. 

“I broke up with Baekhyun.” he blurts, too loud. Luhan stares. This is not following the script he had in his head. ( _ “you’re weird.” “yeah…” “let’s forget we were ever friends.” “but I love you!” “yikes…”  _ or something similar to those lines.) “I broke up with him! Because I…”

Luhan isn’t sure what Minseok is going to say. His brain is still kind of trying to process the whole  _ I broke up with Baekhyun _ bit. All he can do is stare as Minseok’s eyes go impossibly wide in panic. “I broke up with him because I love him, but I love you more!” he continues, lopsided mouth frowning. 

Okay now, hold on, Luhan’s brain had already been stuck on the breakup thing, and now Minseok is talking about… loving  _ Luhan _ ? He’s pretty sure his brain has, most likely, completely stopped working and he is certain he will have an aneurism or something equally dangerous. 

“The first time I realized I loved you, we were 15 and you were teaching me curse words in Chinese. Which is dumb! But then… then you called me beautiful in Chinese, and then lovely, and you kept… going,” Minseok’s rambling now, eyes downcast and voice suddenly soft. “You said so many lovely things, and you weren’t even embarrassed!” He was, for the record.  _ Extremely  _ embarrassed. Just like he is right now, remembering how 15-year-old Luhan thought he was being smooth. “And the next day, you complimented me again. And the next. That whole week, you were so sweet to me. Even when I told you to stop embarrassing me, even when I said you were weird.”

Minseok pauses here, still not looking at him. Luhan cannot look away. After so many years, finally hearing Minseok said these words… it’s as monumental as it feels. 

“When you left… it broke me. Not talking to you broke me. And then seeing you again, and realizing I never moved on. That broke me too. I apologize, for stringing you even though I wasn’t sure of what I was feeling. I know I put you through a lot, pulling that stunt,” he shrugs, looking so small. Luhan wants to hold him so tight. “Can you please say something? I feel like I’m dying.”

When he finally looks up, his eyes are so bright. They are scared, and honest, and so full of love. How did Luhan never notice that Minseok looks at him like he is the only thing he wants?

“We’re ordering this food to go,” Luhan informs him, calling their waiter over to be annoying and change their order to take out. “You cannot confess your undying love to me and expect me to not want to kiss you until you literally have to kick me out.” 

Beautiful, slanted eyes widen at him, shocked and even brighter. Luhan gets up quickly to pay, moving as fast as he can. 

They walk to Luhan’s apartment because he lives the closest, and the whole way there, he takes the liberty of wrapping his hand around Minseok’s wrist. Subtle to anyone else, but he hopes his grip conveys the words he has been dying to say for years.  _ I love you I love you I love you too, so much.  _

He realizes his hands are shaking when he pulls out the keys to open his door. His mind had been such a mess of  _ he loves me he loves me too _ that, really, now that they are alone… it’s too real. But he pushes the door open, and then, before he starts _ thinking _ and ruining stuff, pushes Minseok against the door. 

They are so close his eyes are blurry. He can see and count each individual eyelash, looking like the faintest brush stroke. His cheeks are pink, and judging by how warm his face is, he guesses he is rather pink too. 

“I love you too.” he sounds disgusting, mushy and soft and relieved. And when they kiss, both of them leaning in at the same time, Luhan forgets everything. 

All those years of longing, and pain, all the waiting for this one perfect kiss… it was worth it.

The kisses turn from innocent to wet, lingering, open mouthed. His teeth dig in to the softness of Minseok’s bottom lip, so plush and warm and swollen from Luhan’s own. When he gets down to his shaking knees, he chances a glance at Minseok. He looks debouched, out of breath and pink all over. His dick, too, is pink and pretty and sits heavy inside his mouth. He doesn’t feel the need to memorize the small sounds that slip from Minseok’s lips, because he plans to listen to them for the rest of his life if he has any say on it. When Minseok comes, fingers clutching to the strands of his hair and the softest, most broken whimper leaving him, his skin feels like it might burn right off. When Minseok slips down to the floor and kisses his neck, jerking Luhan off his a swift, talented, warm hand, he’s 99% sure his brain stopped working.

And later, when they are warm and with his ears pressed against Minseok’s chest, listening to the constant thumping of his heart, Luhan hopes the memories the make now are bright and warm, no longer weighed down by the past.

  
Saying  _ I love you _ had never been easy, but with Minseok, things always come simple. 


End file.
